Dear teacher, you need to learn to care a little less

"You have to learn to care less as a teacher...."

Oh no she didn't. Did she really just tell me that. How dare she? Who did she think I was?

Well actually she did tell me and here's what I've learned.

Last year I had a very tough year as an educator. Let's be real we've all had tough years and if you haven't, just wait. One will come. That is not to scare you but to prepare you. I had one specific student who asked for love in the most unloving way last year. On a daily basis I was told how much I was hated. I had doors slammed in my face, tables and chairs flipped, and often had to remind myself why I got into education. After a very rough day another educator looked me dead in the eyes and told me the most hurtful words I've ever heard. "You've got to learn to care less to be an educator. You can't let it get to you". As my inner Tyra Banks said, "oh no she didn't". Here hold my Kendra Scott earrings.

I, out of emotion, in a very loud shout proclaimed, "That's not why I got into education!" I quickly stormed away frustrated that she thought, I needed to care less. How was I suppose to care less about the kid who wasn't promised a meal when he left my classroom? How was I suppose to care less about the kid who wore dirty clothes everyday? How was I suppose to care less about the kid who saw his dad murder someone? There wasn't a way that I could ever care less....in fact she should learn to care a little more. This argument played over and over in my head. I eventually went back and apologized to her for raising my voice in front of other educators and for getting so fiesty but did not apologize for the fact that I cared. We are suppose to care more about everything in education! You have to let it get to you, or you don't care enough. Or so, I thought.

It has been almost 300 days since that educator told me that and I daily relive that moment in my head."to care less..." I remember in college my dorm pastor telling me that there was truth in everything. That we had to seek out the truth. There was always a lesson to learn. If that was true. How do I as a teacher learn to care less... Where was the truth in that statement? How? When I also was taught in college to "crawl into the lives of my student". How do you care less and crawl into their lives? That's impossible.

But,

She was right... as teachers we have learn to care less...

Care less about what the world says...

The world will tell you educators are worthless. The world will tell you that educators aren't helping, they are making things worse. The world will tell you that we do not know how to help that child who is hungry, you don't need to help that child who struggles with blends and digraphs, or you are not the only one who can calm down that student. Let me tell you the world is NOT in your classroom everyday and has no freaking clue what you see. The world does NOT know what is best. Care less what the world says and care more about the kids in the world. You cannot let the world get to you. They will not understand what you do or why you do it.

Care less about what the parents say...

I have only been in education two years but I can definitely say parents will chew you up and spit you out and then complain to your boss about everything you are doing and demand you get fired. I have had a total of maybe 75 students and I have cried hours upon hours over a handful of those parents. Parents aren't going to understand that you can't tell them why that kid kicks and punches, why that kid gets set off, or even why you do what you do. Not every parent is going to be on your side. In fact, you will get hateful emails, nasty voicemail, and the parents may even tell the kids how they feel. Now trust me, you will have some parents who support you and encourage you, no matter what. Cling to those parents. Take those positive notes, emails, or words and put them in a file cabinet. Because, there will be a day when you need them. But, remember to care less about the argument between you and the parent and care more about that kid who has a negative view of you in spite of the words their parent has said. You cannot let the words of negative parents get to you. Never let negative words hold power over your life. Care less about the negative ones and cling to the positive ones.

Care less about what the teacher down the hall is doing...

This one is the hardest for me. Comparing is something I am learning to not do, But in the world of education we have to realize that WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER. It doesn't matter what the person down the hall is teaching, what fun new game they have, what their data says, what transformation they are doing, or even how awesome their reading scores are. Don't compare their passion to yours! Don't compare their teaching style to yours! You are a different teacher with different strengths. Care less about what they are doing and care more about how to cultivate your strengths to better engage your students! Yes, learn from them. But do not compare yourself to them. Don't force yourself to be an educator you weren't designed to be. You cannot let other peoples strengths intimidate you.

Care less about what the world says, the parents say, the teacher down the hall does, and care more about the students. They are the reason we got into education. So dear exhausted teacher, realize it is okay to care less but realize what you are caring less about. Care more about the kids and care less about the rest.